I almost did the unthinkable today, again. I had a horrible, horrible day and was so devoid of positivity, I couldn’t see any reason to go on. I have had a “plan” for years now and I’ve used it twice, to no avail obviously. Luckily I went to sleep instead of going through with it. I’m pretty sure I would have been successful this time too.
People who don’t suffer from mental illness or have never been suicidal just can’t possibly empathize with those who do like is needed. Calling a hot-line doesn’t help. Going to the ER doesn’t help. It may save you that moment but until how long? When you get out of the hospital, your problems from before are still there as well as some new ones. I never thought I’d reach the day or moment when being admitted to the hospital didn’t appeal to me. I know they can’t and won’t help me. I have no money and no insurance so I’m useless in their eyes. The whole system is fucked.