I’m torn

I am so happy, giddy, excited, terrified, etc. about my new relationship with my boyfriend (man that still sounds weird to say). I feel so happy around him and count down the hours, minutes, etc. until I get to see him again. It’s an amazing feeling and makes me wonder how I’ve gone this long without it. I honestly don’t know how I would be surviving right now without him. I probably wouldn’t, honestly.

The issues I have now are not only emotional but physical and it’s getting more difficult to deal with. My ankle is driving me nuts; I’m super frustrated because I thought I was getting better and now I’m not. I need this lawsuit to be over now and I need to not be in pain anymore. I’m supposed to be getting a job by the end of this month or I’m out on my ass. I cannot be on my feet for more than 30 minutes at a time but I’m supposed to work?! What the hell?!

I’m also stressed about money, all the fucking time. I’ve been donating plasma twice a week just so I can get enough money for gas to get back and forth between appointments and seeing my boyfriend. I have to go tomorrow morning in order to get gas money for Monday. I hate needles by the way.

Life is so topsy turvy right now and I don’t like this feeling. I feel like I’m constantly stressed and thinking of ways to relax but I can’t. My anxiety is getting so bad that my stomach is hurting again. I can’t sleep; ever. I need someone to rescue me but I know it’ll never happen. I’m not even that excited about my birthday on March 20th. The worst thing about my anxiety is that my skin picking impulse has come back. I have avoided it for so long now but the other night I spent 2 hours on my legs alone. For those of you that have this problem, you know what a big deal this is.

I guess life could be worse but it could be better too.


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