Epiphany of the night: Emotional invalidation and why I’m BPD – part one

Just got out of a long shower and knew I needed to write. I starting writing and this is what came out. A lot of it you’ve probably heard before from me but, please, just read.

  • Emotional invalidation – Being told not to feel a certain way. Being told my natural emotional reaction to something is wrong. Being neglected emotionally.

An example from my life: When my mother is told I was inappropriately touched as a child by a person close to my family. The normal person’s reaction to this would be anger, sadness, confusion, sympathy, guilt, disgust, etc. Instead, I’m made to feel like I was in the wrong for not telling her. Then, I was questioned and made to believe I was possibly blowing it out of proportion. That maybe it didn’t occur as I remember.

This kind of reaction makes me hesitant to disclose information or share any problems I may have with my mom. I feel lonely and without guidance. I fear if I do share, I will be reprimanded or scolded. I then feel no connection or security with the one person I feel I should; the one person I yearn to connect with. Events like this happened all through my childhood and still occur to this day.

When I meet and interact with individuals, mostly older women,who show interest and sympathy/empathy for me, I then become attached in an unhealthy manner. I am able to hide this attachment from them but then suffer greatly when our relationship must end (as it always does). Separation and abandonment cause me stress, anxiety, and depression.

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3 thoughts on “Epiphany of the night: Emotional invalidation and why I’m BPD – part one

  1. Yeah, but on the other hand, from your mother’s perspective, maybe you were “making it up” – you were a child. And maybe by scolding you and telling you to have mentioned it earlier she was trying to get you to behave in a way she felt was more appropriate, i.e., telling her about bad things as soon as they happen.

  2. I can empathize about the unhealthy maternal attachments.

    Whether you were exaggerating or not it is a Mother’s obligation to accept and understand her children’s concerns and it is very disappointing to have a parent who tends to downplay our emotions, feelings and thoughts.

    I know my own mother has fallen short of that before as I have as well, but we try and we keep an open dialog so that misunderstandings can be handled with care.

  3. My mother was always over-worried about me possibly being molested by caretakers… I started feeling “wrong” for not being able to cry and say -yes, it’s been happening. She was always asking if anybody was doing things they shouldn’t/ touching me etc. i was starting to feel left out.. 😛 So it could have been worse…

    I guess yours is still worse though… 😦
    actually having been molested.

    Your mother sounds to me… like a mother. Mine also irritates me much too often to call her “close” to me… but I think that’s what happens in your average family. The days where mothers were sorted, reliable and organised = semi-over. The majority of mothers are overworked, underpaid, u know the story…

    And it’s REALLy difficult to know how exactly one is supposed to respond to a child’s pleas… do u give extra attention or would that exaggerate the child’s needyness. Do you kiss the hurt better (and risk recurrent illness and injury on purpose, as in subconsciously, u kno 😉 or wave it away and try to teach them that small negatives in life don’t matter.

    Shit! I wouldn’t know what to do!!? 😮 If I had a child it would be glad to get food on time…

    ?

    Just thinking out loud…

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