Just got out of a long shower and knew I needed to write. I starting writing and this is what came out. A lot of it you’ve probably heard before from me but, please, just read.
- Emotional invalidation – Being told not to feel a certain way. Being told my natural emotional reaction to something is wrong. Being neglected emotionally.
An example from my life: When my mother is told I was inappropriately touched as a child by a person close to my family. The normal person’s reaction to this would be anger, sadness, confusion, sympathy, guilt, disgust, etc. Instead, I’m made to feel like I was in the wrong for not telling her. Then, I was questioned and made to believe I was possibly blowing it out of proportion. That maybe it didn’t occur as I remember.
This kind of reaction makes me hesitant to disclose information or share any problems I may have with my mom. I feel lonely and without guidance. I fear if I do share, I will be reprimanded or scolded. I then feel no connection or security with the one person I feel I should; the one person I yearn to connect with. Events like this happened all through my childhood and still occur to this day.
When I meet and interact with individuals, mostly older women,who show interest and sympathy/empathy for me, I then become attached in an unhealthy manner. I am able to hide this attachment from them but then suffer greatly when our relationship must end (as it always does). Separation and abandonment cause me stress, anxiety, and depression.