i don’t like me when i’m like this

i was supposed to have therapy this morning. i usually have it on Mondays, mostly so i don’t have to go to work afterward, but she was out of town. i got up early, got dressed, ate some yogurt, and was putting on my shoes when i got a call that she was sick and i was to reschedule for friday. i threw my brush onto the bed and narrowly missed hitting my cat.

after i calmed down and thought about it, i called back and said i had decided to cancel for this week and just go ahead with our normal Monday session. i figured that i’d save 15 bucks and the gas it takes to get there as well as the torture of going to work after therapy. (this is a reoccurring issue i’ve been dealing with. i always feel like shit after therapy)

as the day progressed, i started to doubt myself. i don’t know why my mood shifted but i was very angsty, agitated, and slightly depressed. i can probably blame it on my upcoming period, my fight with physical ailments all week, lack of sleep, stress, etc. who knows?  i decided by the end of the day (when it was too late to actually speak to someone) that i still wanted to see my therapist on friday. i left her a message that i’m hoping she gets tomorrow. i’m pretty certain i’ll obsess over it all day tomorrow and may call several times.

this attachment and abandonment is going to kill me if i can’t work this out.

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2 thoughts on “i don’t like me when i’m like this

  1. Sorry you’re having such a crappy day! I hate when they have to reschedule; but from what you’ve said about her, I’m sure she really is sick and wouldn’t be much good for therapy right now. Hopefully she’ll be able to do Friday. If not, remember what a strong, smart and beautiful woman you are!!!

    • I believe she’s sick but it still annoys me when plans change. It puts me on edge. Logically, I understand and don’t hold it against her at all. Shit happens, that’s life you know? Emotionally, I see red and and feel hurt.

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