Journal entry for January 3rd 2007

I saw Trish for the first time today. She’s very nice. She basically confirmed everything I was already thinking and doubting about my ability to let “go” of Dr. Hughes. I know that I need to but it’s just so nerve wracking to think about how I will do it. I know I will cry but I guess I just don’t know what else to expect. I know this feeling of attachment and then fear of loss stems from so many past friendships that have been so fucked up. I’m pretty sure I’m blowing it way out of proportion. That everything will go much more smoothly than I think. The fact that I like Trish will help me get through it I think.

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I’m really worried about Selena (name changed for obvious reasons). I don’t think she will have the strength to get rid of Amanda on her own. I am willing to help of course but the problem is “does she really want her gone”? She keeps saying she does but I don’t know if this is only when  they fight or have a slight disagreement. Afterward, is she going to take her back? If I’m going to be introduced into this whirlwind of drama and emotional hurt I don’t want it to be all for nothing. I feel for Selena too much to lose her again. If I do lose her again, it better be the last time.

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