Abandonment. Sure, it’s common to feel exhausted, emotionally beat up, etc. when you leave therapy. That’s kind of a result of bringing up all those negative emotions and thoughts. I have come to expect it.
The devastating depression I experience when I leave every session is not normal. Or is it? I have spoken to other BPDs and they have all seemed to share similar experiences. My only theory, based on my personal experience, is that we don’t want to leave the safety of that office.
It’s like an emotional blanket. We are getting the attention we so deserved and yearned for as children, even as adults. We have a place we can be open at and not be looked at like we’re a freak. I count down the days, hours, minutes until I see my therapist again each week. I go without gas and food so I can pay her.
50 minutes flies by so fast, it’s not enough time for me to feel truly loved. I know, in my logical mind, that my therapist’s job is not to love me and give me what my mother and father never did. She’s there to support me and help me through the rough times. It’s so damn hard to get the logical part of me to catch up to the lightening fast and impulsive emotional side.