poop

i feel like shit

shitty shit shit shit.

physically, I’m hurting. my stomach is constantly churning and I keep getting a shooting pain in my abdomen. I have painful and constant diarrhea and a yeast infection because of the antibiotics I was on. I have to force myself to eat because I’m consistently nauseous.

emotionally, I’m torn. I should be ecstatic that I have the ability to move in the next month or so. I’m going to finally get the fuck out of this trap. I’m also not going to have to struggle monetarily. there’s the option for me to get health insurance and then possibly see a psychiatrist. I also had an awesome session with my therapist today. she basically told me, for the millionth time, that she’s not going to leave me. she asked me if she was doing a good job and if I felt comfortable and safe talking to her. I honestly do. I mean, I doubt everything everyone tells me after awhile but I honestly feel comfortable with her. the fact that she’s gorgeous does distract me a bit but it’s not a big deal.

I’m starting to feel guilty and super stressed. it seems I’m not meant to be happy.

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