Left therapy in a bad mood today. It took me about 15 minutes to figure it all out. What she (my therapist) said about me really made me feel like shit and it shouldn’t have. She was actually complimenting me but I started to feel uncomfortable and then I started thinking about how she had said more kind things about me in one session than anyone has really said to me in a long time, especially my mom. I started balling in the car on the way home; I could barely see while driving. Also, the feeling, or even impulse, to change who I am was very strong and that only made my mood worse. I found myself wishing I was more like her physically and in other ways. I’m extremely insecure and have zero self-esteem and this became painfully obvious to me today. I think most of the time, I’m in denial about it. I push it away because it is so painful. Someone pays me genuine compliments and I can’t accept them. I don’t believe them and it hurts.