My therapist today, just, wow. It didn’t hit me until after I left but, she totally pulled this out of the bag today and guilt tripped me.
We landed on the subject of burning and how I hadn’t done it in so long and I mentioned to her that I wasn’t even tempted. This is a very good thing. She then asked me what I thought was keeping me from giving in to the impulses. I told her that it’s because I had no intentions of breaking my promise I made to the therapist I had in the outpatient program in January, one of her colleagues.
She acted surprised and told me “But you promised me too, in the past, that you wouldn’t burn and you broke it”.
I’m surprised it’s taken me over 12 hours to be completely offended and angry at this. Am I reading too much into this?
Once she made that comment, I quickly covered my tracks. I started babbling about how I don’t really think that’s the reason why and yadda yadda. I don’t think she bought the bullshit.
I now feel guilty for having broken my promise and then rubbing it in her face that I was keeping the promise for someone else. I also feel angry that she didn’t realize it was a bad idea to say what she did, to me, before she said it. In all of her wisdom and fabulous therapist glory, she showed she is too, flawed.