Why is it so hard to live?

  Why is this so hard for so many of us with mental illness? Why are we always seen as stubborn or lazy? So many people who don’t have to deal with mental illness on a daily basis don’t understand how difficult it is for so many of us to do even the most basic tasks. I thought I did a pretty darn good job of portraying my daily struggle when I filled out my SSDI (social security disability) application. I guess I was wrong. I’ve been denied and now have to appeal. This means I now have to wait even longer to receive money I desperately need to live. Rent, electricity, gas, therapy, meds, etc. I have enough money in savings for one more month. I cannot work but apparently I may have to. The thought of finding, applying, interviewing, and then (hopefully, kind of) obtaining a crappy menial, minimum wage job terrifies me. I can’t even leave the house to go to the store by myself without panicking. I’m supposed to go work?! With the public?! I feel so hopeless right now. I’ve tried so hard to be sane enough to get through the days but it’s getting harder and harder. I have scars and words carved into my arm. I’m horribly overweight. No one is going to hire me, let alone keep me. I’m going to end up living on the streets in my car. I guess it’s all my fault I was born, isn’t it?

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3 thoughts on “Why is it so hard to live?

  1. I’m terrified to be out in the “real world” trying to work. But I know that when push comes to shove, you’ll find something. A stay at home job, or working with machines or paper or books or animals instead of people. There are a lot of alternatives with minimal public interaction, at least until you know you can handle it.

    That’s the hard part I guess. I still don’t know how to go anywhere alone.

    Eden.

    • I’ve thought of finding something with limited contact with the public. I can’t think or find any jobs like that right now. It’s also very hard to leave the house alone so if I could find something I could do at home, that would be preferable.

  2. I know a similar feeling of frustration, when you try so hard to appear as if you’re okay, and then when you try to get assistance or extra help, you’re denied because you’re acting is too well done… I’m sorry hun, keep on trying. :/

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