Just when I thought my mom was on her way to redeeming herself and being cool, she proves me wrong, again. There was talk of her coming to volunteer with me at work and hanging out with me. This would be a big deal for me because of the nature of my job. It would show that she’s being very open minded (even though she claims to be pro-choice, I have my doubts about the extent) and she’s willing to ignore her own selfish Conservative political ideologies to come support her daughter. Boy, was I stretching myself there!
Today, I sent her a text to tell her about a lovely encounter with a patient that gave me a hug. Innocent enough; small talk. Didn’t expect it to go much further than that. Well, with my mother, there is no such thing as small talk, or innocent. She proceeded to dig and dig. She started asking me why I liked this job so much and what I was getting out of it. The old me would have either ignored her or would have sugar coated it to appease her or keep the peace. Well, I’m a 27 year old woman who is sick of living in fear of my mother. I no longer answer to her anymore.
I told her the truth. I am proud to wake up early every morning for this job because I am going out there, in that hot summer sun to stand up for something I believe in. I go out there and I ensure the safety of our patients and because I’m the only one, I have to make sure I’m there everyday and I’m not late. I enjoy it and this is the first job I’ve enjoyed in a long time. Well, she hasn’t answered my text and it’s been at least 20 minutes. I feel like she doesn’t support anything I do unless it’s what she wants me to do. I am the exact opposite of her. I do everything she doesn’t want me to do. I am strong willed and opinionated, just like her but I have different opinions from her.
I feel like I was kicked in my gut. It hurts to know the one person I want to like me, doesn’t. It hurts to know that the one person I want to respect me, doesn’t. I know she loves me but that’s not good enough.