I feel like I’m fucking losing my head here..

‎2am, right before bed, is the WORST time for me to sit on the edge of my bed and let my mind wander. Lately, it’s been especially difficult because I’ve been beyond stressed (who isn’t really), and I have been in “avoidance” mode to cope. At night, when it’s time to wind down, it all catches up with me and feels like a rush of lunacy. It’s overwhelming. I feel like I could/should walk myself into a 1980s D movie psychiatric drama and visit the ominous “hospital on the hill”, or something like that. Reality is far less dramatic, which kind of sucks, because I think the drama would help ease this all along. I don’t want to be an adult anymore. I don’t want to feel this way or have these thoughts. I want to start over. Reset button anyone? I blame my off kilter medications one minute and then my lack of responsibility the next. I feel like losing it but my current “circle” of acquaintances and co-workers haven’t seen me with burn marks on my arms. I don’t want to have to explain to people, all over again, that I’m inpatient and therefore unavailable. I feel like I’m losing it and if I try to say this to my therapist, she’ll want to know why. Why? Because I’m me?

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2 thoughts on “I feel like I’m fucking losing my head here..

  1. i do that too, just try to forget it all during the day, avoid people etc, then at night…*bam* omg everyone hates me, i cant cope…etc for hours and thats it until i take a sleeping tab, or its crazy time, like 5am! i used to sleep well too, dont know what happened!

  2. I understand you perfectly. I don’t go to therapists, cause, well, I can’t afford to, but I don’t suppose it helps much. It’s all in our head, isn’t it? If we are able to create these thoughts so easily, why aren’t we able to get rid of it just as easily? There was a time when I wasn’t like this, but it seems that once you cross the line, you can’t go back. I wish there was a reset button.

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