I am a coward. I can’t go through with actually killing myself so I moan, bitch, lay in bed, go to therapy, and burn myself. Sometimes I am hospitalized. Then I begin again. How in the fuck is this living? It’s not.
I am not happy. I am content, sometimes. A lot of the time, I am guilt-ridden. I punish myself. I make myself feel pain but it’s not enough. I need to suffer more.