I write on my blog because no one cares elsewhere.

I’m invisible.

I am a coward. I can’t go through with actually killing myself so I moan, bitch, lay in bed, go to therapy, and burn myself. Sometimes I am hospitalized. Then I begin again. How in the fuck is this living? It’s not.

I am not happy. I am content, sometimes. A lot of the time, I am guilt-ridden. I punish myself. I make myself feel pain but it’s not enough. I need to suffer more.

I’m invisible.

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6 thoughts on “I write on my blog because no one cares elsewhere.

  1. Honey, I stumbled upon your website looking for a Tumblr called are mental? (yes, i am) … I didn’t want to just look and run (as it were) … so sending you massive hugs from Australia. I suffer from Bipolar and bad anxiety … so I have teeny tiny idea what you’re going through. Hang in there hon … life sure isn’t what I thought it was going to be … but … I’d rather have it than not. I know that probably sounds up myself… but it’s all I got. hugs hugs hugs hugs and some more hugs… x

  2. I just read that back and I can’t spell or type … the website I was looking was called “Are you mental?(Yes, I am)” … okay, I’m going now … I promise! 😉

  3. Hey hugs here too. I’ll never forget how kind you were to me during my time of crisis. Something you said to me in an e-mail helped me survive. that show of kindness & humanity helped me breath in my darkest moments. It’s a beautiful memory to which I’ll forever be grateful for. Anytime you need me I’m here.

  4. Maybe hire someone else to kill u.. 😉 No, I’m just kidding – REALLY! 😉

    I think in general you seem to sound like you feel very alone/isolated in your crazy-ness.. but I can assure u you’re not… I don’t have any particular disorder… i used to be reasonably depressed (hmmm, wait, that just sounds wrong…?), but feel a whole lot more relaxed about the Suchness of life…. and I also think and feel and do the same things u do (except the burning myself part – I don’t quite do that – although I might have tried it had I not managed to improve my life a little bit at a time as I have for the past 4… 5! years… wow, it’s been a LONG time…). I’m always internally fighting with myself to be better and smarter and… even better than the better from the day/week before… it’s Exhausting. And I’ve decided to take some relaxing time off and stop worrying about all the things I’m still wanting to “fix” about myself and just be here and enjoy myself and my achievements now, and recognise what I’ve managed so far… it’s been a great week! I’m loving this new idea, might even stick to it for a couple of months and see where it takes me 😉

    So best of luck, u’r mental, but like u already know, pretty much the rest of us are too!!

    xx

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