I’m so lonely.

I am so alone, lonely, and desperate. I am alone in a room full of people. I am alone with friends, family, and in a packed support group.

The feelings of hopelessness, isolation, and depression always seem to hit me the hardest at night. I’m alone in my room. The world is asleep. I have no one to talk to. I don’t know what to say.

I make people uncomfortable. I make them worry. Others ignore me. I am too much for most and not enough for others. I have no balance; no in-between to make life bearable. My life is too extreme.

What I want never happens and I don’t want much. I want someone to listen, to comfort, to validate, and to soothe. I want someone to hug me. I want someone to caress my hair, to hold my hand, and to distract me when I need it.

I don’t need tough love. I don’t need to be on my own. I don’t need to be avoided.

Why do I dream so big? I expect so much and never receive it.

I’m not okay.

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5 thoughts on “I’m so lonely.

  1. Oh god how I can relate, I feel so alone with all my emotions and thoughts, I feel like who would want to be around me, I feel different, I feel like I will never have sex again , cause the thought of a touch sexually makes me sick. I can so relate , but now I know there are others out there , thank you

  2. Tears rain down inside. I empathise with you, and you have done so well to brave a true and full disclosure of your heart. I have walked a similar path for a time, and I truly believe that Jesus has the cure, try him.

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