I am so alone, lonely, and desperate. I am alone in a room full of people. I am alone with friends, family, and in a packed support group.
The feelings of hopelessness, isolation, and depression always seem to hit me the hardest at night. I’m alone in my room. The world is asleep. I have no one to talk to. I don’t know what to say.
I make people uncomfortable. I make them worry. Others ignore me. I am too much for most and not enough for others. I have no balance; no in-between to make life bearable. My life is too extreme.
What I want never happens and I don’t want much. I want someone to listen, to comfort, to validate, and to soothe. I want someone to hug me. I want someone to caress my hair, to hold my hand, and to distract me when I need it.
I don’t need tough love. I don’t need to be on my own. I don’t need to be avoided.
Why do I dream so big? I expect so much and never receive it.
I’m not okay.