A loss of self

I wanted nothing more than to get pregnant and last month, I was ecstatic to see two positive tests staring back at me. I became infatuated with my pregnancy and felt great. I was so happy, I was able to quit my meds cold turkey and it didn’t bother me at all. My family and friends have been so supportive. I had something to get up for each day. I was important.
I am using the past tense because I found out today that I am unequivocally not pregnant any longer. I had a miscarriage at some point and began menstruating on Friday. I was devastated and lost. I stayed in bed all weekend and cried, tried to distract myself, and got rid of any baby evidence I could find.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I went to therapy today and I’ve made an appointment for meds counseling tomorrow. I hadn’t thought of hurting myself in what felt like awhile, but Saturday, I felt sure I was going to do something. I am confused and don’t know where to go from here.

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