Over 30 days inpatient. Multiple medication changes, numerous confrontations with staff and patients, and I’m home now. I start PHP (partial hospitalization) on Monday and I’m terrified to get near the building. I see my therapist on Tuesday and meet a potential DBT therapist on Friday. This is what I’ll use to get through the week. I honestly have nothing else to look forward to. Even my birthday is insignificant right now.
I just burned the hell out of my arm and I may do more later. I don’t know why I did it and why I liked it. I look at my arm and I want more. I feel hollow and lost right now. I don’t know what’s going on inside of me. It’s really uncomfortable. Dealing with this bullshit alone is unbearable. I WILL NOT go back to that hospital.
I need help.