Sometimes, like right now, when I stop long enough to let my mind wander, usually just a minute or so, I end up in a bad place. I end up in a painful place. I feel so much inner turmoil. I feel stuck. I want to scream, punch the wall, break the window, and simultaneously do nothing. I want and need relief.
I’ve been hurt so much. My pain is so intense.
I feel like I’m back to square one. All these years of therapy and hospitalization and I’m back to feeling like this wounded child. I just want to be done with this. I don’t want to hurt anymore.