Please consider donating so I can walk to end stigma and raise money for suicide prevention.

Please donate here

I will be joining thousands of others nationwide, this fall, to walk in AFSP’s Walk “Out of the Darkness”, to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I would appreciate any support that you give me for this worthwhile cause.

I have personally dealt with major mental illness, including several suicide attempts, as well as several family members’ struggles with mental illness. Funding for suicide prevention is integral and extremely important.

I hope you will consider supporting my participation in this event. Any contribution will help the work of AFSP, and all donations are 100% tax deductible. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds. In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Please consider a donation today and maybe even joining me for the walk!

 

Please consider donating any amount you’re able to my walk for American Suicide Prevention.

http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donordrive.participant&participantID=427468

I will be joining thousands of others nationwide, this fall, to walk in AFSP’s Walk “Out of the Darkness” Community Walk, to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I would appreciate any support that you give me for this worthwhile cause.

I have personally dealt with major mental illness, including several suicide attempts, as well as several family members’ struggles with mental illness. Funding for suicide prevention is integral and extremely important.

I hope you will consider supporting my participation in this event. Any contribution will help the work of AFSP, and all donations are 100% tax deductible. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds. In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Please consider a donation today and maybe even joining me for the walk!

Donating online is safe and easy! To make an online donation please click the “Support This Participant” button on this page.

Thank you for visiting my fundraising page!

PS- Please contact me if you’re interested in starting a team.
Watch this video and please, help with whatever you can.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSMQ84wORIs&feature=player_embedded

Journal entry 4/18/11

I am ugly. I am fat. I should just kill myself and spare everyone the burden of taking care of me. I’m inept. I’m a waste. Who wants me? No one. I should rot in bed. I’ll never finish school. I will always fail. I find flaws everywhere I look on my body. I hate myself. Everything anyone said ever said about me that was bad, is true. When I’m gone, no one will care. I want to slice my arm open. I hate life.

Inpatient

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Over 30 days inpatient. Multiple medication changes, numerous confrontations with staff and patients, and I’m home now. I start PHP (partial hospitalization) on Monday and I’m terrified to get near the building. I see my therapist on Tuesday and meet a potential DBT therapist on Friday. This is what I’ll use to get through the week. I honestly have nothing else to look forward to. Even my birthday is insignificant right now.

I just burned the hell out of my arm and I may do more later. I don’t know why I did it and why I liked it. I look at my arm and I want more. I feel hollow and lost right now. I don’t know what’s going on inside of me. It’s really uncomfortable. Dealing with this bullshit alone is unbearable. I WILL NOT go back to that hospital.

I need help.

Here we go again…

I just burned myself for the first time in a long time. So long, I’d stopped counting. I would be beating myself up over it but it felt so good.

I feel lower than low, right now. I have so much self hate right now, I’m running through ways to make myself even more ugly, more invisible, and basically make my physical appearance mimic how I feel inside. I want to shave my head and dye it black. I want to burn my arms all over and never shower, get dressed, or brush my teeth.

I feel like nothing. I am nothing but a burden. The world would be better off without me, but I can’t even manage to properly kill myself. I’m lost.

When you SI, make sure to wear cute bandaids to cheer you up

I carved “dirty” into my leg last night and I didn’t even want to. I got halfway in and it hurt. I wanted to stop, but my obsessive, impulsivity (OCD) wouldn’t allow me to not finish. I’ve got to get this shit under control. I sign contract after contract stating I won’t harm myself, yet when I’m under duress, I am apathetic to everything else.

i think i may need help soon *trigger warning for self injury*

I think I’m falling apart and quickly. I am currently surviving hour by hour, which feels awful. I want to sleep and take pills all day and not do anything.
I was rejected by someone I liked and it’s because I’m fucking crazy.
I want to die.