A loss of self

I wanted nothing more than to get pregnant and last month, I was ecstatic to see two positive tests staring back at me. I became infatuated with my pregnancy and felt great. I was so happy, I was able to quit my meds cold turkey and it didn’t bother me at all. My family and friends have been so supportive. I had something to get up for each day. I was important.
I am using the past tense because I found out today that I am unequivocally not pregnant any longer. I had a miscarriage at some point and began menstruating on Friday. I was devastated and lost. I stayed in bed all weekend and cried, tried to distract myself, and got rid of any baby evidence I could find.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I went to therapy today and I’ve made an appointment for meds counseling tomorrow. I hadn’t thought of hurting myself in what felt like awhile, but Saturday, I felt sure I was going to do something. I am confused and don’t know where to go from here.

in 3 minutes, your life will change…

I just urinated on a stick. A magical stick to me that will tell me my future. I bought it at the Dollar General; it was $6. I opted for the name brand over the cheaper one. I figured this is not the occasion to pinch a penny, or two.
I read the instructions twice before, and once while I waited and extremely long 3 minutes.
One line means your life remains unchanged, supposedly.
A crossed set of lines means your whole world has changed, either positively or negatively. I guess it depends on your place in life at the moment.

I got one line tonight and began crying. I don’t know how to feel right now. I am torn between my emotions and logic. I know I cannot afford a child right now, but when will I be able to? So many have told me “you’re never ready to have a child”, but I want to be more ready than I am now.

I yearn for a baby so much right now, it’s unbearable to be around other children. I feel an emptiness that I want filled and believe a child would help fill that void.

I’ll be taking another test in a week. I need to make sure that the results are accurate.
I don’t know what I want them to be though.