Validation exists just…

Validation exists just outside the reach of my fingertips and yet, ah!
Overwhelming agitation at everyone and most of all myself.
This leads me to punish and beat myself up every night. This is a never-ending cycle, as of late, and I can’t seem to break free. The more friends and colleagues I make, both online and in real life, the harder it becomes to cope.

My social skills seem okay from the outside but really, truly, I am one sick pup.

Validation, please. Por favor! Anyone? I’m truly sick of being ignored. I feel like I’m screaming from the rooftops of my skull but everyone is deaf, even my therapist.
What the fuck, man?

I feed off of pity and attention. I am a pity/attention vacuum.

I realized this while sitting in the doctor’s office this afternoon. I enjoy being in medical and psychological offices far too much. I enjoy the waiting, the checking in, and ultimately seeing the doctor/psychiatrist. It’s not because I’m a hypochondriac. I’m there because I have legitimate issues. I enjoy the attention and the “pity”. As long as the person giving it is actually warm and caring, it’s a very nurturing environment for me.
This is why it’s almost impossible for me to end these relationships even when they’ve only existed for a short time.
Am I the only one?