Goodbye Anne

I only have 20 more sessions with my counselor. I found this out today and I’m feeling pretty sick about it. Apparently, the center where I see her doesn’t allow long term counseling services. To them, 20 is the maximum allowed. I’ve been seeing her for almost a year, so obviously I’ve gone way over.  What sucks most about this is that I feel like I need her even more and now I’m learning I’ll be seeing her less. I was given the option to continue weekly sessions and see her for 5 more months. Or, I can choose bi-weekly session and double that amount of time, which I obviously did.

I went into session today and brought up my fear that she was beginning to get sick of me and was ready to pass me on to someone else. She assured me that this was not true and then dropped this bombshell on me. I can’t help but feel like I’m being abandoned. I have nowhere else to go. I cannot afford to pay more than I do and there are not other options available.

So when I see her for the last time, what will I do? Right now, I’m thinking I’ll flip out. Crying is the least of my worries. I tend to impulsively endanger myself when I am abandoned. I hope between now and then, I’ll have learned some new coping skills to deal, but I am skeptical. I can’t think about it. The more I do, the more I want to crawl into a ball and never leave my bed.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll be on medication and in therapy the rest of my life. It doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is getting close to a therapist and then having to move on to someone else. I don’t want to.

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